This is a story of a woman who had gone through an extremely nasty divorce after 18 years of marriage. After spending 2 years working on herself and her anger towards her ex-husband, she was finally ready to face the world and look for a date.
Back in the dating game
She signed up for an online dating website and she met this guy, chatting online with him for a week. He seemed nice and he seemed successful, and most importantly, he seemed really into her. They finally decided to meet up for a nice dinner for the first time.
She was very excited. She bought a new dress and they met at an upscale New York City bar for a drink.
Ten minutes into the date, the man stands up and says,
I'm not interested
and walks out.
She was so shocked and speechless – the feeling of rejection like a knife to her heart.
The sting of rejection
The woman was so hurt she couldn’t move. All she could do was call her best friend.
Here’s what her best friend said over the phone:
Well, what did you expect? You have big hips. You have nothing interesting to say. You are boring. Why would you think a handsome, successful man like that would ever go out with a loser like you?
Shocking, right?
That a so-called best friend could be so cruel?
We hurt ourselves (again and again)
It would be much less shocking if I told you that it wasn’t her best friend who said that. It’s what the woman said to herself. And that’s something we all do, especially after a rejection.
We start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings – what we wish we were and what we wish we weren’t. We call ourselves names. Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it.
And it’s interesting that we do, because our self-esteem is already hurting. Why would we want to go and damage it even further? We wouldn’t make a physical injury worse on purpose. You wouldn’t get a cut on your arm and decide, “Oh, I know! I’m going to take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it.”
But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why?
Because of poor emotional hygiene; because we don’t prioritise our psychological health.
Break the self-destructive pattern
We speak awful words to ourselves so often, engaging in self-inflicted negativity in our lives without even realising it. This results in negative self-esteem and a destructive pattern. But we can fix that. It starts with small changes, everyday. A commitment to make a positive change in your life.
Never say anything about yourself that you do not wish to come true. Be very, very careful with what you put into that head, because you’ll never, ever get it out.
Remember this:
Whatever your past has been, you have a spotless future.
Dr Jasmine Badge
Healing is an art. It takes time. It takes practice. It takes love. Dr Jasmine is a firm supporter of the idea that people, no matter what their diagnoses, can be helped to live their live more effectively through psychotherapy - The Power of Choice.
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