i didn’t understand
why couldn’t she seem to fall asleep?

was it so difficult to

shut her eyes,

       count sheep,

               fall away?

shut her eyes,


count sheep,



fall away?

she twists and turns
always looking over her shoulder
as if she’s afraid

of monsters in her closet

of the bogey man under her bed

of demons at her door

but shouldn’t she know they don’t exist?


i wish i could have known
that her waking is walking on a constant edge
and the slightest breeze would push her

     t u m b l i n g

with no way to tell up from too far down
into the abyss
her mind
playing tricks on her

day-mares poster

where sleeping is only surrendering to the dark,
     walking unarmed into a battle she does not have the strength to fight.

where running is the only option she has,
     because if she flies fast enough, maybe this time they won’t get her.

where her path is constantly covered in traps,
     and she never knows which one will swallow her whole.

i still don’t understand but
i stay by her side through the nights now
i make her tea in the morning
the way she has always had it 
     – black, no sugar, no milk
the lesser possibilities for the unexpected,
the better.

we carry on
with routine;

we move forward

for i know now,
her monsters aren’t only hiding in the dark.

Picture of Rachel Loy

Rachel Loy

Rachel believes that communication is the most important part of any relationship. She loves reading romantic adventures and uses poetry as an outlet for her thoughts and emotions.

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