i didn’t understand
why couldn’t she seem to fall asleep?
was it so difficult to
shut her eyes,
shut her eyes,
she twists and turns
always looking over her shoulder
as if she’s afraid
of monsters in her closet
of the bogey man under her bed
of demons at her door
but shouldn’t she know they don’t exist?
i wish i could have known
that her waking is walking on a constant edge
and the slightest breeze would push her
t u m b l i n g
with no way to tell up from too far down
into the abyss
playing tricks on her
where sleeping is only surrendering to the dark,
walking unarmed into a battle she does not have the strength to fight.
where running is the only option she has,
because if she flies fast enough, maybe this time they won’t get her.
where her path is constantly covered in traps,
and she never knows which one will swallow her whole.
i still don’t understand but
i stay by her side through the nights now
i make her tea in the morning
the way she has always had it
– black, no sugar, no milk
the lesser possibilities for the unexpected,
we carry on
we move forward
for i know now,
her monsters aren’t only hiding in the dark.
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